Insufficient postage

July 28, 2008 6 Comments

Scene = Post Office; this morning.
Customer = 60-70 year old woman; frail (why is it old people don’t sweat…even in this heat?)
Post Office Worker Biatch = young black woman who has more interest in her nails than helping anyone.

Automated number system: “Cashier number 11 please”

Customer shuffles down the line to cashier 11.

Customer: I just want to ask a question.
Post Office Worker Biatch: uh-huh
Customer: I want to see how much this letter costs to send.
Post Office Worker Biatch: put it on the scales.

Customer puts letter onto scales.

Post Office Worker Biatch: fifty-two pence
Customer: I just want to see how much it costs to send.
Post Office Worker Biatch: fifty-two pence
Customer: I have put some stamps on…is that enough?

Customer holds up envelope with four first class stamps and two second class stamps stuck to it.

Post Office Worker Biatch: That’s more than enough!
Customer: What?
Post Office Worker Biatch: There’s more than enough on there.
Customer: I’ve waited in line for twenty seven minutes to ask that.

Customer turns and walks off, mumbling: “I had enough stamps on it all along.”

I shuffle one place down the line and continue to queue, wondering if I’ll be this sweaty when I’m that old.

etrade baby

July 17, 2008 Leave a Comment

I can’t believe that I’ve only just heard about the eTrade baby adverts…but then I don’t think I’ve bothered to go and look at all of this year’s Superbowl ads online yet.

These are superb!

Happy Birthday, I Hate You

July 16, 2008 1 Comment

I’m complaining about a lot of things lately. It’s not that I’m unhappy and angry at the world…more that a lot of things just seem to be disorganised, or ineffective to me at the present time. With so many things happening I tend to concentrate on the negative and not the positive, and during these times the negativity in things I normally take a deep breath at is enhanced.

Today, it’s birthday cards.

I’m a guy, and I take little time in deciding many things.

If I need a new pair of shoes, I’ll go into the shop, find a pair that fit and generally buy them. Yes, there are several different styles and several diffierent stores, but if they are black, look smart and fit – I’m happy.

Same goes with the majority of other clothes I buy.

Same went for the Tux I’ve hired.

When it comes to birthday cards I’m not buying for myself – they’re for other people. I like to pick a card that the person may like for one reason or another. Earlier this year I bought several cards when I saw them in the shop, as I knew they could be given to specific people when their birthday comes around.

Today I went to buy a card for someone I work with who celebrates their birthday tomorrow…and I must say that all cards now are crap!

Stores seem to have a selection of cards with crap images, a selection of cards with crap jokes, and a selection of cards with random text on it. Otherwise you just get a card with a big number on it and a picture of a football player or princess if you’re below 20, beer or cake if you’re below 50, champagne or flowers if you’re below 70.

Card shops seem to think you must die when 70 as there don’t seem to be any above that age.

I refuse to spend 2-3 pound on something crass that I really can’t imagine anyone liking or buying.

I need to buy cards in bulk on the rare occasions when I do see good ones, otherwise I will have to choose something that is horrible and meaningless (sorry to those I’ve sent cards to recently).

The only cards I’ve consistently liked over the past few years are those by Anne Taintor (currently being ripped off by replicas in most card shops), and The New Yorker.

I don’t want cards with cock jokes and tit gags, or with words of ‘wisdom’, and certainly not with a big number and a pint of beer.

Unless it comes with a badge…of course – then I don’t care what it looks like.

Return to Sender

July 14, 2008 13 Comments

I remember a time when I would go to the post office, stand behind a few old women who smelt like soup and shuffed in a manner similar to a wind up Doozer, bought a few stamps from a kindly grandma/pa type person behind the counter and left.

Over the last few years the post office service has deteriorated dramatically.

Local offices seem to be shutting, so the queues at the ones that are open are horribly long. Their staff have turned from helpful old codgers to relatively unhelpful sales staff who try to upsell you things even though you only pop in for a stamp.

Over the last few years I’ve even had an enthusiastic attending in a multicoloured waistcoat and long dirty fingernails ask me “Would you like to send this letter via ship?”

um…no. It’s not 1920. I would like it sent via plane as normal, and I would like it to arrive at it’s final destination in a few days, not three weeks and with a suntan.

Today I went and wanted to post one item, a CD. I told them everything they needed to know, that is it’s a non-valuable item, standard first class, UK. I then got a barrage of questions.

Are the contents over £38?

No – I told you it’s non valuable.

Would you like special delivery or signed for?

No – I told you standard first class.

Would you be interested in home or credit card insurance?

No – I would not be interested in either. I told them simply ‘Nothing else today, thanks’.

Only for the rest of the month you’ll get £50 off on home or credit card insurance.

Still nothing else today, thanks!

I know they are trying to make money, but surely closing the out of the way offices has saved them a bit. Surely they would also have a higher turn around of customers, not to mention happier ones with less queuing, if they didn’t try to upsell you things?

Lazy Sunday

July 13, 2008 10 Comments

Isn’t the internet fabulous? I love how you can interact with people from all over the world, how it really has opened the door to 24/7 business, and how easy it makes things that would otherwise involve having to actually pick up a phone and arrange things with people – that can of course only be done during ‘working hours’.

Take my move to a new flat for example. It was a simple process to google a van hire firm near by, see that they opened between certain hours on a Sunday, ensure they have a van on the particular day I wish to move and that’s that. Done. No having to call an office during their working hours where they would have to check to make sure there’s a van for that day, and where they would no doubt write down my personal details incorrectly.

It’s a shame, then, that using a company to book a van in my area on a particular Sunday (today) has resulted in my not moving flat.

It appears that the van hire firm does not actually open on Sunday, see.

Yes, the internet said it does. Yes, they took the booking. Yes, there is a van there. However, as nobody would be there to do essential things such as unlock the gate and – you know – give us the van keys and such, it seems that we were lied to by the van hire company.

So, Europcar, you say on your site that you ‘hire a lot more than a car’. Yes, you also get disappointment, frustration and inconvenience too!

So the flat move has had to be put back to Friday (thank you, and apologies for this inconvenience). Unfortunately due to the lack of van for the move I’ll have to leave the bed/sofa until just over a week later. Bah!

PC is still dead, but I think it is just a new PSU that I need so at least it’s a cheap repair rather than an extremely expensive one.

I had a lovely weekend, and it’s probably the last time I’ll be able to have guests for a while. The lack of a large kitchen and lack of a spare bed are two of the things that I’ll miss the most when I move. From hereon in you can only visit me if you want to eat out and don’t mind sharing a bed.

One Week

July 10, 2008 6 Comments

Chickity china the chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin
Watchin x-files with no lights on, were dans la maison
I hope the smoking mans in this one

I can’t believe it’s July already. We’re halfway through the year and befoe we know it Christmas will be here once again. Where does the time go?

Here are a few things that I need to do this week…not in any particular order.

1) Fix my PC. I was using it without issue all of Sunday, and turned it off on Sunday night as normal. However there was a smell of burning which I ignored and assumed all was okay. Monday night I arrived home in not too great a mood, quite late and wished to check emails and go to bed – switched on the PC – nothing. It seems te burning smell must have been a biggger problem than I realised as there was no power at all. Hopefully it’s just a PSU issue and replacing that will fix it – otherwise it’s expense that I can do without right now. (Currenty writing this on work lapdog).

2) Move. I’m moving on Sunday from Old Street to Russell Square. I’m saying goodbye to the spacious place I have now to possibly the smallest place I’ve ever lived in. One small room with fitted kitchen, a ‘hallway’ with storage cupboard and a bathroom. Oh, and a balcony too. It’s the only place I bothered viewing when I knew I had to find somewhere, and it is more than I was intending on spending, but it’s in such a great location I think I can deal with it for a year and see how it goes. 15 minute walk to work is very appealing, and it’s within walking distance home of the places I play poker so that’s quite nice.

3) Release the next stage of MENEFT. I would have liked to release it this weekend, but with the move taking place and my PC imploding I really don’t think that’s going to happen. I have the files I need stored online, just not organised. Whether I manage to fix it or not I’m sure I’ll manage to get the next part up during the week…it’s just a little more awkward than it could have been.

4) Learn to tie a bow tie. I think I’ve worn a bow tie once in my life before, and that was a clip-on. I have a ball to go to next Saturday and so I’m hiring a tux to go with it. This means I need to don the tux and shirt along with cummerbund and bow tie. I reason that I’m an intelligent guy with access to the internet so I’m sure I’ll manage to tie it into some sort of reasonable bow. It’s a themed ball…strangely the theme is Blackpool (for those reading this who are not in the UK, imagine Las Vegas with donkeys…and less lightbulbs). This means there’s meant to be fairground rides (in a hotel?) and a casino (yay). I can see myself just playing poker or blackjack all night. The best thing about it is I will have moved by then so I’ll have a 10 minute walk home at 2am in my drunken stupour.

5) Watch The X-Files. I’ve watched about 3 series in the last two weeks, and wish to watch the rest of season 8, season 9 and The Lone Gunmen before the new movie comes out at the end of the month. It should be doable, as I watched season 7 over two days last weekend. It’s still a fantastic show…I love rewatching it. I’m quite looking forward to the second film too.

6) I don’t really have a sixth. I’m avoiding the mention of anything work related, as I’ll have to then admit to myself what I haven’t done. I’m avoiding the fact my best friend is leaving London, as I’ll have to then admit to myself that that will suck big time. I’m avoiding little just now – as life is very good, and interesting, and without real issues.

I am avoiding stuff though.

Aren’t we all?

The Website is Down

July 4, 2008 6 Comments

This is one of the best videos I’ve seen this year. Hilarious.